The sum of all anxieties, if I was asked to equate the equation, the equivalent thereof, in regard to what I have become most afraid of, referring to mental stress and trauma, I would say would be too numerous to count based on what has been classified and documented. At times, I believe they are in cahoots, scheming with one another late into the night. It’s their arrival that scares me the most. The Nightmares that make me tremble when I awaken to pictures that haunt and frighten me. Plotting at their leisure, leaving me in a state of dereliction…
To have arrived at the intersection where I am now, with no prior memories or knowledge of where I have been, yet realizing I did exist at some point, then as I do now. After surviving in a morass of jumbled thoughts and unspoken innuendos while attempting to write, I find it incredibly interesting. To settle with reason, and find it a potent antagonist and worthy adversary, to the point that I feel ultimately vindicated…Your words appeared to have evaded you the last time we spoke. All of this seemed insignificant to you. Could you have characterized me as such, too, as remote as you were, your voice fading off? I recall you thinking of me as a captive audience more than once.
To be considered now, but a little bit of a crumb. I was never fully aware of my surroundings when overindulging. I still find it abhorrent to pursue something wholly non-materialistic and unrealistic, even if it were issues of the heart.
Realizing the causal consequence, being taken out of the light and into the dark with no recall of it, but isn’t that usually the case? I should not have labeled her as pure and innocent because of the way she enticed her victims, of which I was one. So much has been taken away from me, and I worry I will never be whole again.
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