In the midst of a world characterized by unceasing demands and boundless obligations, the art of saying no emerges as an invaluable skill. It is an art, a priceless potential, that can transform your life, improve your time management, and save you from the consequences while maintaining a healthy relationship. The art of saying no is an asset that empowers a person to go through life’s perplexities with integrity and authenticity, allowing them to prioritize themselves.
The concept sounds captivating and dreamy, but, the journey of mastering the art to say ‘No’ is not as easy as walking home. Every day, I cross paths with people who engage with the chores they do not enjoy but put up with it because they were asked for it. It saddens me, because I, too, was a victim of it. Therefore, I will be discussing my experience, importance of refusal and how learning to say ‘no’ can play a significant role in transforming lives.
Exploring practical situations
Consider a situation where an individual, overwhelmed by an avalanche of commitments, hesitates from refusing another request. That person is already bound by a lot of requests and is already occupied completing them and someone, maybe unaware of the troubles, asks for a favour. Saying no to the request would save that person from rescheduling tasks that result in stress. That individual would just save his time and relocate his energy to the tasks-to-do list.
Envision a professional overloaded with heaps of work and fails to decline a new work proposal. Without the skill of saying no, they might reluctantly accept the proposal, leading to compromised performance and mental and physical exhaustion. This continual pressure and inability to repudiate create a long-lasting strain trapping the person in a vicious cycle. Eventually, the employee/professional develops anxiety due to the never-ending episodes of stress and frustration that result from the struggle to meet deadlines, the urge to maintain quality, and so on.
The Ripple Effects of not being able to say NO
Not being able to say no can have a few negative effects, both on physical as well as mental health. When you cannot turn down a request, you put too much on your plate, leading to stress and a draining mind. It takes a toll on the mind causing burnout and making it challenging to handle even simple situations.. Not only are you doing injustice to yourself but you are also making your bonds suffer by not being able to give them your undivided attention.
At your job, if you cannot refuse to excessive workloads, your performance will most likely drop and your career growth would slow down or might even cease to grow. As a result, not mastering the skill of saying no can significantly impact your personal happiness and your relationships, leading to long-term negative consequences.
Setting boundaries; Prioritizing yourself
At the depth of the art of saying no lies the fundamental concept of setting boundaries. Boundaries define the extent to which we must engage with others to share our time, energy and efforts with a certain person or on a certain task. As individuals, we must realise that our time, our energy and our emotions are not limitless.
We have been gifted with 24 hours and we can only do so much while still prioritizing ourselves. If you put too much on our work list and cannot say no, you are devaluing yourself, you are jeopardizing your entire well-being. By saying no, we are creating a wall which is respecting our energy and preserving our mental and physical health. To deny this skill is like neglecting our basic rights and eventually wreaking havoc on our wholeness and contentment.
Effective Communication
As they rightly say, communication is the key to success and it is totally fair as communicating yourself efficiently can save you from tons of troubles. Politely communicating your disagreement or refusal is nothing less than skill. Active listening is a crucial part of effective communication and I recommend active listening in every talk. When the other person is talking to you, you got to pay your unwavering focus to the person. Not only does it make the person feel heard but even after listening to any request actively, if you politely deny and mention the reasons, you are chivalrously conveying that you have already got too much on your plate and you cannot take more.
Empathy and Kindness
While saying no is a way of asserting oneself, it does not need to be devoid of any kindness and compassion. While considering the feelings of the person and refusing the request or a command being polite and compassionate can soften the impact of the refusal. This way of dealing with it can maintain the relationship while still prioritizing oneself.
This intricate balance between compassion and assertiveness comes from the heart of the art of saying no. In fact, the art of saying no can be taught through the means of role-play/skits in primary schools. That way, the kids will learn to value themselves and say no while not being rude to others.
Protecting Your Creativity
In a world that glorifies busyness, learning to say no can help you preserve your creativity and safeguard your brain cells to put to work on the list of your scheduled tasks. By judiciously denying a work commitment, you claim your worth and be respectful towards the tasks that align with your goal in the longer pursuit. This wilful prioritization can lead to greater achievements and a better sense of fulfilment. Staying true to your goals and saying no to things that don’t align with your goal should not send you on a guilt trip and that can only happen if you are armoured with the art of saying no.
Personal Experience
I wasn’t born equipped with the art of saying no and to make it worse, my subconscious mind was weak enough that I used to endure a guilt trip at least once every day. I was soft at heart (though I still am) and I couldn’t say no to any kind of request let alone letting people down. People would come to me asking to do their work, their job, their assignments and sometimes even the things that I knew nothing about. I had to research about them and get their work done and guess what, WITHIN THE DEADLINE.
I used to beat up myself, I used to be harsh on myself and eventually, my brain got used to it and the PRIDE IN BEING BUSY got the upper hand and took a toll on me. My sleep got badly affected, my sleep pattern was disturbed, I suffered from insomnia, and I consumed too much caffeine. I started seeing that I wasn’t able to involve myself with people who used to matter to me. Though I wanted to but, I wasn’t able to value my relations. I was ashamed of it but I still couldn’t afford to say no to people because of GUILT. They understood that I was a soft target and took advantage of it. They burdened me with a lot of work and my health kept declining and my body ended up in atrocious condition.
After hitting rock bottom, I realized I got to say no to things and people that do not align with my daily and long-term goals. But, I became a victim of being rude to people that I like to call stage 2 of the realization of self-worth. I got impolite, I started having anger issues with people who asked me for a favour and lost my chivalrous side. I got distant from the very few people who were still with me after my “humans filter session”. It took more time than I could imagine to learn the art of saying no.
I actually read and recommend the book, THE ART OF SAYING NO by DAMON ZAHARIADES and I quote my favourite line from the book, “The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes”.
To Sum Up,
I’m grateful to be sharing this with you. I could go on and on about this concept because it means so much to me. It played a major role in crafting the person I am today and discussing this takes me back to when I was doing unpaid labour, carrying mountains on my head and simultaneously, flashes my current life before me, where I can easily say no to the requests that are hindering my peace, the tasks that might cause me to put too much of extra effort and leave me exhausted at the end of the day.
Refusal is difficult, and the guilt that follows is ten times worse. However, it is always important to remember that by saying no, you are doing justice to both yourself and the person in charge of the request. Accepting a task and not giving it your all can result in worse consequences that will take a greater toll on your mental health so please, master the art of saying NO.
About Ritik Gurnani
The emotions portrayed above are taken from the diaries of Ritik Gurnani, an individual like any other, set on a journey to explore and uncover the mysteries of this life. Driven by a genuine desire of serving people and making connections, he found his calling as an Optometrist at Gurnani Chashma Ghar, located in Rajapur, Prayagraj. To contact him, or to ask any eye related queries, contact him at +91 8308288736.
Beyond the realm of enhancing vision, Ritik strives for a positive approach towards every kind of life experience. He has been striving for a life brimming with peace, and like everyone, he has his share of highs and lows but he has grown to be a little more rational than he used to be. Hardships have played a major role in shaping him up but he did not let those tough situations have the upper hand and continued to be humble and kind.
With each and every thought provoking experience, he takes some time out of his day to contemplate upon those experiences, what could he have done differently to have a better outcome. About the spiritual journey, it has been on & off for Ritik as he used to be too disappointed with bad experiences and tough situations while taking steps toward his spiritual growth. Currently, he is trying to make a settlement with life about being calm and present regardless of good or bad experiences.
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