The situation around
A friend was telling me this morning about his niece’s son. All of 14. Just settling into the Terrible Teen years. With his life before him. And about to give his board exams. He had failed poorly in the prelims. The parents, naturally, scolded the boy. They must have told him to take his studies seriously. Then they left him at home and went to a wedding with their young daughter. When they got back, they found their son had hanged himself. The parents are shattered. The daughter was devastated. The mother dares not leave the girl alone for even a minute now. She feared what I am not able to understand. But I can understand her emotion. My friend thoughtfully and sadly shook his head and said, “Kids these days…”
And the incident
The great Salman Khan once talked to me about student suicides over a mug of hot coffee. The coffee was black, without sugar. And strong, like his views. Given the actor’s nonconforming mindset, his eclectic lifestyle, and his genre of films, few among even his most diehard fans would credit Salman with the kind of opinion he had on this sensitive subject. Mumbai was reeling under a horrific season of suicides. Students unsure of passing their board exams were consuming poison or leaping to their deaths for fear of parental wrath even before their results were declared. And teenaged boys and girls were killing themselves in shame or setting themselves on fire as a result of feelings of shame or as they were depressed over their failed love affairs.
It’s the time when
I was editing ‘Bombay Times’ and Salman was my guest editor that day. I had invited several journalism students from nearby colleges to join us. They were all young and of an impressionable age. GenNext media people. Before we started, Salman idly picked up the morning newspaper and turned its pages. The next thing I knew, he was shaking his head in despair. Is something wrong with you children, why do you do mistakes like committing suicide?” he questioned the accumulated students furiously. it does not matter how grim your situation is just don’t understand, how kids of today can just give up hope of life and leave their parents grieve stricken and bear the burns of the burden of their children’s irresponsible decisions.
Salman’s wise words
Salman khan then delivered a stunning lecture to the students who were gazing at the superstar somewhat fearfully. “I can feel the emotional trauma you face while trying to cope with the board exams,” he softly said. He further said, When I was as young as you, the only terror I and my brothers had, was that if we did not do well in our exams our father would break our heads. But I know it’s different now. Your exams are highly competitive, your study load is huge, you all want a high percentage in the final, and even that is not enough to guarantee a seat in a top-notch institution for further studies because the cut-off percentage is so high at these colleges.”
Pausing to look around intently, Salman Khan added softly, “The average lifespan of an Indian is 70 years. Salman Khan continued, “so what is the big deal if you failed the board exams at the age of 17”? How does it matter if you face betrayal at 18? That’s no age to give up on life and die, buddy! Appear for the exam again. And again. Maybe you will pass it at 18. Or 19. Doesn’t matter.
And more he said…
You’ve got decades in front of you. Your life is not running away. Nor is love. You got ditched. Okay, grieve over it. Give your next relationship time. You’ll find somebody else to love at 19, 20, 21… somebody better. There’s no shelf life for love. No expiry date for giving exams. The things you kids kill yourselves for today, will not even be worth losing a night’s sleep when you are 50 like me.” I will never forget Salman’s words. it would have been wonderful if the concerned parents and teachers, were able to learn and understand how to counsel anxious, scared, guilt-filled children with simple suggestions and advice like this…
About Mark Manuel
