Four weeks after my spine surgery and I’m finally beginning to feel like myself again. Each day the pain lessens a little more and I can feel my legs ease into walking. Right now even 1 K steps feel like a lot and I can’t sit beyond 10-15 minutes but I am so grateful that the knife-like pain and numbness in both my legs that had been my companion for the last 20 years feels like a shadow. Apart from a horrific anesthesia experience where I could feel the last 20 minutes of the procedure, the surgery seems to have gone well. The next few months will be crucial to full recovery. I am hopeful it will happen.
Here’s what has come to my awareness in these four weeks of being in bed and resting-
~ Pain has the power to awaken even those parts of you that you had thought were healed. Memories of old trauma can tighten their grip on you till you feel your soul will crumble. I tried to fight that in the initial days but letting goes and experiencing the depth of emotions is what helped in the end.
~ Words like ‘recover quickly’ hurt a lot, because they play no role in helping me recover. Healing takes its own time and fighting the ‘bounce back’ quickly culture is very hard. I am aware that not everyone has the luxury to take time with healing but rushing folks with getting better soon is piling on more anxiety on them.
~ I love my work and I have missed my clients so much it has made me cry. I have all these big dreams for my work and I am hoping I will be well enough to think of them soon.
~ Friends who hold you in your darkest periods are treasures. I am blessed to have so many who helped not just me but also my son during this time. I feel held and I know I am not alone. God has more than made up for whatever suffering I’ve had by giving me just absolutely amazing friends 
. Friends are precious. Treat them like royalty.
~ Years of having doctors dismiss your pain can make you question your own sanity and also bear crazy amounts of pain for much longer. It took one doctor to look at my scans and say “you are in so much pain” for me to feel heard and not crazy. I cried in his office. Keep changing doctors till you find one who actually listens. I was so desperate my dad was ready to operate on me. But I didn’t want to cause him that stress.
~ Most people will not understand chronic pain or illness. They will say motivating words without understanding the difficulties involved. And you’ll find yourself not honoring what you’re feeling and second-guessing yourself. It’s terrible. I pushed myself to work out, to do things I shouldn’t have done because I wanted to feel normal and still hear things like “ye Kaisa dard hai jo kabhi aata hai kabhi jaata”. Most of us have been trained to ignore our bodily cues. Find a way to hear them again.
~ Glorifying pain culture is stupid. It becomes a habit and before you know it you’re the queen of bardasht and really killing yourself slowly. Please don’t be brave and get help.
~ I am super proud of myself for having done what I have all these years with chronic pain. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t necessary for me to suffer. But I am very proud that I did not let pain decide my life. I do wish it was easier though.
~I am so grateful for the other family my parents created through their work as doctors in their private hospital. People who others call ‘staff’ have been my lifeline. From staying with me in the hospital to giving me painkillers on the sly to bathing and cleaning me, they went above and beyond. I am so grateful. My siblings couldn’t be with me and without these folks, I don’t know what I would’ve done.
~My son has surprised me!! He managed to wake up at 5 am, making tiffin and breakfast, locking unlocking doors, checking on me, and showering me with love and kisses effortlessly. He was terrified when I went into OT but he told me only later. I am very much proud of my baby
~ My father’s hand on my forehead continues to be the coolest balm my heart knows. His strength inspires me.
~ Bad times really have a way of coming in clusters. That’s what life is I suppose. My surgery couldn’t have happened at a worse time with my parents unwell, my brother unwell, and my sisters unable to be with me. And yet, I was lucky to have support. And having my sister Saba home this last week has been so good.
~Pacing is crucial to recovery. I get excited very easily when the pain lessens (like today) and by evening it’s hard to walk. One day at a time is a reminder we really need. Slow and steady.
~ Being able to bend, pick up cats or babies from the floor, trimming your toenails, being able to put on pants, or shaving your legs are appreciated everyday miracles we don’t acknowledge. Please love your spine. Nurture it, don’t take it for granted. Really love it.
~Lastly, I’m falling in love with the way this wide support belt makes my body look. Corset belts and full-on leather corsets are my new love .
Wish me to love dear Facebook family. Thank you for checking on me.
About Mark Manuel
The above thoughts/content has been proudly copied from the wall of Sir Mark Manuel. Being interviewing almost every role model of this country and going stronger each day. Mark Manuel is a respected Mumbai editor, writer, and columnist.
With over three decades of journalism in leading publications. This includes the Free Press Journal, Times, Dainik Bhaskar, Mid-Day, and Afternoon. He is famous for his brilliant pen interviews. He himself is a TEDx speaker.
Further
His interviews have featured in several leading media houses. They include the Hindustan Times, Huffington Post, BBC, and Network 18. Almost every famous person has been interviewed by him. In the country from Mother Teresa to Muhammad Ali. His first book is just out. It’s titled Moryaa Re! It is a crime thriller that is perhaps the country’s first police procedural. He began his career covering crime. And in a tribute to his experience and knowledge of this beat.
Several distinguished officers of the Mumbai Police and its Crime Branch collaborated with him to make this book possible. In a statement of friendship for Mark Manuel and admiration for his work, Amitabh Bachchan wrote the forward.
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